Tuesday, August 12, 2008
New blog
Friday, June 20, 2008
Turkey and sunshine!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Leavings
Sunday, May 11, 2008
For your enjoyment.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Hi-bye.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Six days worth of quotes.
MONDAY:
Professor: "Today, I'm going to teach you about тоже/также, although I don't know why I'm even trying [what a great way to begin a lesson]. You know, most Russians can't explain how to use them. Most Russian people don't really understand them -- they just use them, and usually get it right. So I don't know how you, the international students, will ever understand this. Ok, let's look at ..."
Her prediction was correct and absolutely no one in our class understood anything in the whole 2 hours she expounded about тоже/также.
[the Russian words for 'cheese' and son' sound exactly the same except for one letter's difference]
Professor: "Peter, where is the cheese?"
Peter: "On the couch!"
Professor: "What?!"
Peter: "My cheese is on the couch!"
Professor: "Peter, where is your son?"
Peter: "My son is in the refrigerator!"
[everyone tries to suppress spasms of laughter]
Eating dinner with a Russian family on Monday night:
Me: "We learned about тоже/также today in class. No one understood it."
Russian dad: "Why are they trying to teach you that? Even Russian people don't understand it."
Russian mom: "Hmm ... how would you explain тоже/также?"
Russian kids and dad: "Uhhhhh ..."
Russian mom: "An example?
[Dad says example using также]
Russian kid: "You could also use тожe there, dad."
[this goes on for a while]
Russian dad: "This is ridiculous. Stop talking and eat your salads."
TUESDAY:
Professor, complimenting Peter: "You write fast, like a cosmonaut!"
Professor asks if anyone has any questions. No one does.
She says: "Only dead people don't have questions!"
Student asks if she may go to the bathroom.
Professor: "I don't want to know where you're going! I don't want to think about THAT!"
[Russians are very awkward about bodily functions]
Then, she lectured us on the importance of oxygen for 15 minutes. We cover a lot of ground and several miscellaneous/unplanned topics per day.
WEDNESDAY:
Professor: "It's Pushkin! You CAN'T read it badly!"
Professor, talking about plastic surgery: "If I had enough money, I could get new eyes, new teeth, a whole new head!"
Eating dinner with a Russian family on Wednesday night:
[as I am being handed a butter-and-caviar sandwich]
"Do not be afraid of carbohydrates! Russians are not afraid!"
THURSDAY:
Professor: "Aristotle was a teacher, like me."
Professor, about lazy people: "Tigers and wolves eat and sleep. Some people are like this as well. They eat food but do not feed their brains."
I was going through the gate at my dorm, and there was a new babushka guarding the door. I've never been asked for ID before -- the guards seem to know us by our faces ... or are too lazy to ask. But she actually asked ... madness ensued ...
Babushka: "What floor do you live on?"
Me: "The seventh." [this is the international students' floor]
Babushka: "You can't live on the 7th floor. You're not Asian."
Me: "I'm the only American."
Babushka, suspiciously, like I'm trying to trick her: "... You don't look Asian ..."
Me: "Argh! I'm not Asian. I'm an American and I live here on the seventh floor."
Babushka: "... Do you live here?"
Me: "YES!!"
Babushka: "Why don't you have a Russian student ID?"
Me: "Because I'm not Russian!! I'm an American!!"
Babushka: "... Not Russian ... Not Asian ... What are you?"
FRIDAY:
Professor, to two Chinese girls whispering during her lecture: "If you're going to talk in class, at least do it in Russian."
Professor, to me after I wrote a sentence with 37 word sentence [we have competitions to see who can write the longest grammatically correct sentence]: "You are the champion of the world and belong in the Guinness Book of World Records!"
SATURDAY:
I started out watching 3 kids and ended up with 8 by 2 pm. A group of Royal Rangers were scheduled to meet at the house and then going to the zoo. One of the commanders showed up early, so we sat and talked while waiting for everyone else to arrive. I was telling him about the woes of тоже/также ...
Me: "We learned about тоже/также in class this week. No one understands it."
Sasha: "Yes ... I guess it's kind of confusing. But it's really easy, when you think about it ..."
Me: "Oh yeah?"
Sasha: "Of course." [he starts to 'explain' ... two minutes later ...]
Sasha: "I guess it is sort of hard." [keeps trying to explain ... five minutes later ...]
Sasha: "This is really complicated. I can't explain this. I don't know how it works. Don't worry about it, Russian people don't understand it either."
While we were talking in the living room, the kids were upstairs playing and being superbly (and suspiciously) quiet. Suddenly all eight of them came tumbling down the stairs, screaming and trampling each other.
Sasha [eyes growing wide]: "How many kids are you keeping upstairs?"
And a few minutes later:
Sasha: "You're watching all of them?"
Me: "Yes."
Sasha: "Isn't it difficult to make them behave, since you don't know much Russian?"
Me: "Spanking is a universal language."
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Fire.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Finally, greetings from the girl who never blogs when she says she will.
A lot has changed in a month: my roommates went back to China, they didn't want to study Russian any more; Beth & Aaron just left for a new assignment since their visa was set to expire this month; Cecil's off getting a new visa; hmm, what else. The weather has turned absolutely beautiful. I never imagined how exciting 20 degrees and sunshine could be. It smells like spring, and I've rediscovered the will to live (kidding). But I qualify myself as a sunshine-in-the-meadow-feet-in-the-creek sort of girl and the winter here was starting to feel a bit oppressive and my soul was beginning to feel rather bleak. When you weigh the options: sit in dorm room and eat canned tuna and tea for dinner or go grocery shopping ... and you decide to go with tuna because you don't feel like putting on three pairs of long underwear, pulling on boots, finding your hat, and then freezing all the way to the store and back ... then, I think, it is time for spring.
So, International Women's Day was today (March 8th). Ever heard of it? My professor claims the French celebrate it too. It's basically the day that all the Russian men, who have been coming home drunk and beating their wives for the other 364 days of the year, do a 180 degree turn in their spirits, spend a tremendous amount of money on flowers, candy, make-up, and other gifts, and make it all up to their women in 24 hours. Disclaimer: there are some really great Russian husbands who appreciate their wives year-round (many rounds of applause to them!) but from what I've seen, they sadly constitutes a very small portion of the population. Anyway, I am a fan of this day because it means we get a break (Friday and Monday) and there is an abundance of chocolate.
Also today was the First Premiere of the Garage Sale in the Russian Far East. Some missionaries here are preparing to leave the country and in an effort to get rid of stuff, covered their apartment in price tags and invited everyone in for a free for all. Since Russians don't really get the idea of the garage sale, it was a very quiet free for all, but a lot of fun. I realized how much I miss cruising by Goodwill with a sock full of change and finding buried treasures. I had a big moment (aka small step into adulthood) and that was my first personal purchase of matching cutlery and tableware. Granted, they are fluorescent yellow, plastic, and hideous but hey, I blew 20 rubles and got matching forks and knives too. I am now the proud owner of 4 plates with forks and knives to match -- pretty good for under a dollar. I can't wait to eat ... tuna ... off of them.
Actually, I've decided to swear off of eating Ramen/lapsha for the month of March. It's very entertaining to see the look on people's face when I tell them I'm abstaining from instant noodles in observation of the Lenten fast. Actually, this decision has nothing to do with Lent and everything to do with the fact that I've finally tried all the flavors (the bacon is AWFUL) and want to give my palate some time to recover.
At the garage sale, they also had a whole bunch of books, 10 rubles a piece. You all know I'm a sucker for a cheap book, so this was very exciting, especially because they were in English! I will be happily reading some old favorites (I bought Cheaper by the Dozen -- it's a classic, come on).
I've been going to a church that has a bunch of students, Russian and Chinese, and having some excellent times trying to get to know people. I notice that I am growing less frustrated with the language barrier; as my vocabulary increases, I find I can describe things, even if I don't know the exact word. This is also my first time being in church without a translator. I have one friend who speaks excellent English, but I don't let her translate for me. I do occasionally lean over and ask her for clarification =]
Lately, my skills have been increasing in a game called "spot the Mormon". I don't know if a big team of them just came to the city or if I just haven't noticed them before, but in the last few weeks, they seem to be everywhere! Beth, Aaron, and I were walking down the street a few weeks ago, and these two guys (immaculately dressed and not looking Russian at all) stopped and asked if we spoke in English ... but they asked in Russian, and they asked in the very politest way possible. I was so floored by being politely approached by a guy on the street that I didn't know what to say.
Well, that's a quick update on me ... I've posted a lot of pictures on my facebook account, but I know that a bunch of you don't do facebook. I have plans to have a photo-uploading party in about three months (an attempt to reverse-psychologize myself). By the way, I've finally figured out the hype about skype, so look me up and we can chat for six pennies a minute, or something like that.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
An excellent morning: huddled next to the radiator watching the sunrise.
Thinking Too Much tends to play itself out in two ways. One, I am wide-awake pondering my existence and the question, "whatever shall I do, come the end of June?" Two, I am wide-awaking considering the implications of ... Russian adjectives, the theology of ecology and this idea of 'living green', what makes mah-jong so absolutely fascinating, why my dear roommates inisist on playing said blasted game until 1 or 2 in the morning, and various other things, like grace and redemption. I have recently become completely sold on the idea of redemption. It's always been there, lurking in the shadows, but never an integral part of my thought proccess. (more on this later, perhaps).
Obviously, with all of these terrific and important things to be thunked about, and irregular verbs to be studied, restful sleep has been crowded out.
Life, classes, language learning are all going well. Our professors have banded together this semester and begun assigning rather substantial amounts of homework, complete with due dates. The weather is chilly, but not nearly enough snow. I am of the opinion that if one must be cold, there ought to be lots of snow. I went ice skating last weekend with some new Russian friends, spent over an hour talking with a bunch of fun teenagers and young adults after church on Sunday, and Chinese New Year is this week (a big deal here ... and we get 3 days off school - score).
Ramble ramble. I'm losing steam. Looks like redemptive thoughts will be making an appearance next time. Also, expect pictures (I say this for my own benefit, because now I'll feel it necessary to have integrity and actually upload them). The Amur river is quite frozen and we took a little excursion the other afternoon. We walked all the way across to an island ... but I'll leave you in suspense, the pictures do a much better job of explaining!
As we used to say in 6th grade: peace, love, and Shakespeare! My, those were the days. But I must say, I'm very happy I'm not 11 any more. More (serious) thoughts, updates, and pictures coming to a screen near you ... sooner rather than later.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Yay, I am no longer officially male.
December 30th, I armed myself with Pride & Prejudice and settled down for a bus ride across town to pick up my new visa. Amazingly, it was ready, and I distinctly remember thinking, on my way back home, "That was way too easy ... something must be wrong." Then, I got shut in the door of a marshrutka (a little bus) while waiting for change and forgot all about it, as I was occupied with wondering whether my arm would ever be the same. A few days later, I happened to have my passport out and glanced at the new visa. My first thought was, "does that seriously say I'm a man?" And yes, it definitely says man instead of woman. My second thought was, "what happens if I get stopped and some policeman sees this? This could get awkward very fast."
About a week ago, I went back into the office to notify them about this little tiny mistake. To her credit, the secretary was very embarrassed and promised to call the police office that very day. Fortunately she had my new registration papers (I was afraid I would be visa-less and hiding in my room at the dorms for a few days). On Friday, I was back to the office again to pick up the corrected document.
My secretary friend unlocks the safe, pulls out my documents, and hands over the visa. It definitely still says 'man'. I shoot her a quizzical look and she says, "Turn it over." On the back, written in blue ball point pen, it says "Correction. She is a woman, not a man. Signed - some unintelligible Russian signature."
What can I say, life is great. In other news, a 15 year old, piano-playing, Seventh Day Adventist Korean girl (who speaks zero Russian but a little English) has moved in down the hall from me. She and I have really hit it off. Last night, we had a team meeting and I was super tired and very excited to head back the dorms and hit the sack (a rare occurance). I made it back to the dorms before 10 pm and was just hanging up my laundry when someone knocked on my door. It was her and she spent the next two and a half hours sitting on my bed telling me about everything under the sun. She is very surprised I can happily coexist with my two Chinese roommates. She thinks Chinese people "stink" and are "mean".
This morning, she was back, explaining she didn't know how to get to class (a three minute walk from our dorms through various gravel-asphalt patches, a construction site, and rickety staircase up the side of a hill). We walked together, found her classroom, and learned some necessary phrases on the way: "I don't understand. I don't speak Russian. Please help me." I think we shall be friends.
Tomorrow is Deanna's 7th birthday (she's in the process of being adopted by the Eshelmans, missionaries I work with). It's an American-Indian themed party and I've heard rumour of a bison hunt (bison played by Cecil, her dad). I will, of course, try to get pictures. As far as I know, there are no rules about interns posting ridiculous pictures of their missionaries dressed as ferocious beasts of the plains on the www. We'll see what I can get away with, haha.
Peace on earth, goodwill toward men!
Friday, January 18, 2008
A few quick fun things
2. During exams, I was in the beginning stages of a truly terrific sinus infection. One of my teachers is a very stereotypical Russian babushka, as bossy as they come. She heard me coughing and snuffling and wrote down the name of some Russian super-medicine, which she claimed would cure me after two or three lethal doses. I politely thanked her and was silently greatful to my mother's forethought in sending me some antibiotics. I still have a bit of a sniffle and in class today, she was extremely upset that I had not taken her suggestion. She made me promise I'd stop at the apteka (like a drugstore, but you don't need prescriptions, just ask for whatever you'd like) today. I just nodded and escaped as quickly as I could. I guess no more blowing my nose in class.
3. It's cold. Wow. Looking at the temperature is pretty useless (I can't keep track between celsius and farenheit any more either). The windows in my dorm room close almost all the way, but not quite. I wasn't too concerned; it had actually been so hot in my room that I'd open a window for a few minutes. However, with the heat being scaled back for the holidays (most students leave) and taking a while to come back on, as well as a pretty big drop in temperature, my room has been chilly. As long as I bundle up and move around every once in a while, I stay pretty warm, but sleeping has been an interesting experience. The dorm provides two blankets to each student, but anything more is on you. On Tuesday night, I ended up in bed wearing all of my long underwear, pajamas, and a sweater. At 2 am, I was wondering what else I had in my room that could possibly keep me warm. I ended up back in bed, in my wonderfully warm Russian down jacket. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I wasn't sure what to do; I didn't want to spend a ton of money on another blanket, but certainly wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of the winter sleeping in my coat. That night around 11 pm, the nicest floor matron knocked on my door and said, "I came to check on you. I thought you might not know how to close Russian windows all the way." She inspected my windows, pronounced it very cold in my room, and said she'd call the repairman to come on Saturday and seal my windows up. She was in such a good mood, laughing and joking with me, that I decided to go out on a limb and ask her if I might have another blanket. As I guessed, I got a lecture about how that wouldn't be fair, she couldn't give out blankets just like that, etc. Then, she grinned and said, "I'll see what I can do." Two minutes later, she was back with the biggest, purplest, wooliest blanket I'd ever seen. Hurrah for God's provision =]
4. Sadly, my favorite roommate Sonya isn't coming back for this semester. She and I had gotten as close our terrible Russian allowed and I was looking forward to another couple months of cooking dinner together, watching American movies with me attempting to translate for her, and fighting with the washing machine for several hours on Sunday evenings (our assigned laundry time).
Thanks for all of the cards, e-mails, packages, and love in the last month! I have a grand dream of answering about a billion e-mails, mailing some postcards, and uploading some pictures this weekend. We'll see how itgoes; I have a page long essay about a Russian translator, his doctor wife, and happy family to memorize for class on Monday.
- Elsbeth
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Happy New Year (and pictures)!
This is my roommate Sonya. She's 20, from China, and we have a lot of fun together! She is very interested in all-things-American. She recently attempted to dye her hair brown - an interesting process in which she recruited my help. She loves to make me dinner and always refuses to let me help with the dishes (I do anyway). She's been asking a lot of questions about religion and churches in America and was very excited when I invited her to come to church with me.
Here are Pasha and Deanna, both Korean students. They are the hardest workers in my class and keep me on my toes! Deanna is a Christian and often invites me to tea in her room. Pasha speaks the most English of anyone of my floor and asks me every single morning, "How are you today?"

This is my section, or class (missing a few). Most of them look terribly unhappy, I know. On the far left, bottom row, red sweater, is Peter. He is a Korean pastor and we sit next to each other in class. He's old enough to be my dad, and is always teasing me about how young I am. One day after class, he pulled some money out of his pocket and I decided to turn the tables. I grinned and said, "Oh daddy, is that for me?" He laughed and laughed and from that day on has called me 'dochinka', meaning 'daughter'.
And here's our illegal cat, named Tao-Tao and secretely called Chairman Mao (he's very pompous) by yours truly. He is very cute but very loud and begins his yowling every morning around 6 am.
Me, Liza, and Sonya. Anya, our other roommate doesn't like pictures.
On Monday (Russian Christmas), I spent most of the day peeling enough carrots and potatoes for 70 people. That evening, we went to the homeless shelter (what an amazing place - it's impossible to describe) and ate Christmas dinner with everyone. Every time I go there, I'm blown away by a million things: how much I've been blessed with, the terrible effects of sin in someone's life, how joyful these people who have virtually nothing can be ... If I could, I'd take everyone I know and make them spend a week at the shelter.
So, New Year's greetings from four girls and cat! Thank you for all the e-mails, cards, and calls! I am so excited for a new year, new semester, and a thousand more adventures. One of my (probably futile) resolutions is to do a better job of communicating with everyone at home.
It's gotten very cold in the last week. Temperatures won't be above 0 degrees F for the next week. I can't wait for summer!
Much love to all!
Elsbeth
Saturday, December 22, 2007
$3 x-rays, no chemicals (?!), and a very happy Christmas to you!
No big news here; snow's falling every few days, everyone's preparing for exams and getting excited for New Year's celebrations, which will last a good two or three weeks.
I went to get chest x-rays the other day (no worries, it's routine and required for living in the dorm). Guess how much it cost? 70 rubles, which is about $2.92 in the States. I could hardly believe it when the technician told me. I've also been trying to get an AIDs test (also required). The first time I showed up, they said I was too late. The second time, they said they were out of the proper chemicals to do the tests and I should just call after New Year. I wanted to ask, "You do realize this is an AIDs clinic, dedicated especially to testing for AIDs? And you're telling me you don't have any of the chemicals needed to do your job? Best of luck pulling a profit in the next four weeks." But, the bright spot is, it costs a whopping 155 rubles ($6.45).
Paying out of pocket takes on a whole new meaning here. I could need some medical test, go dig through my change jar and have enough to cover it!
I've managed to get sick again, this time with a nice phlegm-y cough, will spare you the details on that. It's less than convenient, with finals right around the corner on Monday and Tuesday. You can certainly pray for some miraculous understanding for me on these tests ... we're still not entirely sure what we're being tested on, and the 'practice' tests we've been given have been way beyond any of us ... about 60% is new material we've never covered or studied.
May each of you have a blessed Christmas with family and friends (eat some good food for me!). Thanks again for all of the support, love, and encouragement!
Because of Him,
Elsbeth
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Quick update!
I just wanted to let you all know that life is excellent and going very well.
There's not much snow here yet, but everyone tells me, "just wait until January, then you'll see."
I ate little whole fish (fried and dipped in bread crumbs) for breakfast the other day (my roommates made them). I managed to get three down. My roommates are really wonderful, and we share many laughs. I am learning a bit of Chinese and they think it's quite hilarious to hear me imitate them speaking. They also love watching American movies, especially when I translate (fun for them, very very very tiring for me - but good practice).
Also, please pray for Beth and Aaron. They are missionaries here in Khabarovsk, but currently in Mongolia, waiting for approval (hopefully) of their new visa. No one's really sure when they'll be back. The Russian government has been passing some funky new visa laws and you get a different answer from every person you talk to.
Pictures coming soon, I promise!
Much love!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
Beth and I in our beautiful winter coats! Yes, that's real fur lining our hoods.
We walked to see the new church they're building.
Here's the church. It's built out of railroad ties- the cheapest building material available.
Thanksgiving was two days ago, and we celebrated at the Eshelman's house with turkey and mashed potatoes. It was nice evening, but a little strange - it didn't feel much like Thanksgiving. But, at least the turkey tastes the same.
School is going very well. I now live with three Chinese girls, and am having opportunities to practice Mandarin (which is terrible) every day. I have had several more opportunities to go into the English department and meet with the students. It's been really neat getting to meet lots of students and answer many questions about American culture.
I can't believe that Christmas is in 30 days! It will be interesting, my first Christmas away from home and family.
Please pray for my concentration in school! Some days, I think I'm destined for a implosion of my brain. Also, for my three roommates, Sonia in particular. She's become quite attatched to me, and we've had some excellent conversations. Please pray for me, that I would find many ways to reach out to her and be a good friend.
Much love to all!
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Pictures!
A very cold day by the river! Joy and Arnold Lastinger, missionaries with AGWM, were visiting, and we went to the cathedrals on their last day.
And, proof that I'm alive! This is my favorite cathedral; the ceiling is painted a dark blue with beautiful stars. I wish cameras were allowed inside so you could see it!
Classes at the university are going extremely well, and I'm thoroughly enjoying getting to know my classmates, as well as my way around the city. God has proved his faithfullness time and time again! It's hard to believe I've been here for almost a month; the time has really flown by. I miss home, family, and friends, but the adventures that present themselves every day do an excellent job of distracting me.
Much love to all of you! As always, I covet your prayers.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Oh Russia how I love thee (and hate your internet connections)
All that to say, many apologies, and I wish I could be e-mailing each one of you. By the way, thanks for all the wonderful e-mails in the last week. I can't explain how exciting it is to check my e-mail and have lots of mail! It's like Christmas. I get very giddy and excited.
Life here is basically great. I am learning to adapt, sleep on a creaky bed, and speak Chinese/Korean/Japanese/Russian. I'm starting to cook (very adventurous), and keep a straight face every time I open the fridge I share with my roommates (the two ziplock bags full of tiny dead fish are a bit overpowering). I have drunk about seventy-two different kinds of tea in the last three weeks, had my first experience with borscht (excellent), and become brave enough to start taking public transportation. I have been to a church in an auditorium, a church in an apartment, and a church in a ballet studio (with a mariachi band). I really like it here!
Through conversations in the dorm, I've learned that most of my fellow students would describe themselves as Christians, but I wouldn't have guessed if they hadn't said something. One guy told me the other day, "I am a Christian, but I drink and I smoke ... I believe God has given me these thins to enjoy." Hmm. You can pray for wisdom for me, when it comes to answering statements like that. It has been very frustrating trying to get to know the people on my hall. Since I don't speak Korean and they don't speak English, the only chance of communicating is Russian, which is a second language for all parties involved. Things can get a bit confusing!
Today, I spent part of the afternoon in an English class, talking with a group of twelve Russian girls, all 18-20. For all but one, it was their first time ever meeting an American! They were very shy at first, but really warmed up after I did all the talking for twenty minutes. The first thing I said was, "How many of you have seen American movies?" They all raised their hands. "Well, what you see in those movies - that is not what life in America is like." They seemed quite relieved. I've been invited back in two weeks, and promised that the girls will cook and we'll have high tea, since I am 'far too skinny and probably eating too many noodles for dinner' (this from the head of the English department).
Tomorrow, I'm giving a presentation on 'The Problems of Youth in Culture Today' for the Asian Studies department. I had a difficult time not laughing when they asked me to speak. But, I'm very excited; a captive audience, as much time as I'd like, and the most ambiguous topic ever given!
Well, it's 9:15 here, and I've got some homework to finish up before I hit the sack. I've found myself enjoying sleep like never before! Life in another culture is pretty exhausting, even if you're just sitting around in class all day. My brain is on overdrive pretty constantly, and my English is deteriorating rapidly. Some mornings I talk to myself while getting ready for class, just to make sure I can still make a sentence properly.
Thanks for all the prayers! Hopefully I'll have some pictures for next time!
Much love!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
10 Tips for Success in Russia: a few moderately facetious cultural observations.
1. Be more than fashionably late. Time is a very different concept in this part of the world. Professors are often fifteen, even twenty, minutes late for class. Students are an exception, unfortunately, and walking in more than ten minutes late is frowned upon. If someone says they'll call you back, they will, but it might be in six or seven hours. The other day, I had to pay my tuition at 2 pm. I got out of class at 1:15, ran back to my dorm, ate cookie for lunch, got all of my paperwork and money, and was high-tailing it to the administration building thinking, "Yes, I'm going to be five minutes early." Then I realized they wouldn't know what to do with me if I was early. Sure enough, I arrived three agonizing minutes late and was offered a chair ... for an hour and a half.
2. If you are a Real Woman, you will wear heels (at least two inches, minimum) at all times. Even if those times require things like walking through broken up asphalt (every day), walking through some sort of mud (every day), walking through trash (every day), walking uphill and downhill every where (every day), you will still wear heels. The brighter and crazier, the better. Who cares if they don't match with the rest of your outfit? They make a splash, and that's what matters (see Tip 7 for more information).
3. Drink tea - all the time. Nothing matters as long as you have a cookie and a cup of tea. However, a cup of tea without a cookie is a preposterous idea, and should never be considered, even as a remote possibility.
4. Do not be disturbed by the color of the water coming out of your faucet. If it's a funny color, that's actually a good sign, because it means something else is starting to work (like the radiators, etc). Just boil it and you'll be fine.
5. Prepare yourself for some terrible television. It is better that you simply have no expectations about this matter. It is devoid of any real content, borderline pornography, and has at least four channels devoted entirely to MTV and the rest to celebrity gossip. Bring lots of books, they're worth their weight.
6. Expect to pay for plastic bags at any store. You Americans take so many things for granted.
7. When getting dressed in the morning, remember this: the purpose of clothing is to draw attention to yourself. Looking 'put-together' is a silly idea. Ostentatious and over-the-top is much more acceptable. I would suggest the following regime for Selection of an Outfit: take a deep breathe and open your closet door. Close your eyes and offer up a prayer to the Clothing Gods. Stretch out your hands and grab 3-6 pieces of clothing. Don't open your eyes yet! Put on the clothes you have selected. Now you can peek. Ah, yes. Perhaps a scarf, to liven it up a bit? Perfect. Now, just for the shoes ... oh, what a difficult choice! No, actually, pull on your favorite pair (no one cares if they don't match, silly goose), but take heed and remember, heels are not optional. Now you're set for the day! March out your door like you have just been elected Prime Minister.
8. Remember what I said about you taking things for granted? Yes well, you take construction crews with flagmen for granted too. Just squeeze through as best you can, don't run anyone else over if at all possible, and try to keep your temper.
9. If you don't want to stand out, I would recommend abstaining any sort of smile or facial expression (exception: looking moderately close to murdering anyone within reach is ok). Laughing is strictly forbidden unless you are a female, age 15-22, walking with a gaggle of your friends. Do not look around or show any interest in your surroundings and fellow man. When you are using public transportation, pretend you are all alone in your private limo, about ready to take over the world.
10. Know where you are going beforehand. Street signs are overrated anyway.
11. Be prepared to take matters into your own hands. Whether this is asking friends for favors, making friends using favors, or bypassing the rules altogether, know that this is the only way things really get done. Eventually, you will train yourself out of thinking the authorities can help in any way. Getting them involved only complicates it more! This is a very personal tip, as I spent a good part of last night disassembling and reassembling my toilet. It had been running constantly (and very loudly) for a day or so. My first thought was to ask the floor monitor about it. Then, I realized that it would involve me explaining the situation to her in Russian, her deciphering my question and calling someone, who would have to call someone, who would probably have to call someone too, and then someone, eventually, would come take a look, and maybe do something about it, and all this time, my toilet would still be running. So, in the Russian style, I put on some dirty clothes, rolled up my sleeves, and got to work. You gentlemen who have experience in the area of plumbing will be laughing at the simplicity of this task, but Russian toilets are a different breed altogether. It took a bit of tinkering, but now it's quiet and behaving properly. Slava Bogu (praise God!)!
Now that you understand these things, you are welcome visit me!
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
More to come ...
My bag tipped the scales at 22.9 kg (limit is 23 kg), so hurrah for that. I miss all of you! I'm ready for a nap ... I think it's at least 6 or 7 pm in the US right now, but only 8 am here. Boo for time changes. Stories to come, I promise.
Much love to all!
Monday, October 1, 2007
A final sabbath at home
Today at church, I tried to say thank you to everyone who has been an influence on me in the last three years. Haha. How I wish I could have had another four or five hours! Goodbyes are always difficult. But thank you, my wonderful church family! If I could only begin to write about how you have blessed me.
I have high hopes for lots and lots of free wifi connections, where ever I go. I'm not sure I'm ready to start paying Starbucks so I can check my e-mail. We'll see.
The luggage situation seems to have resolved itself quite well. I'm suprised how much I've been able to fit, and I'm still four pounds away from my limit.
There are so many things I could ask you to pray for, but for now, how about a final relaxing Sunday with my family and friends.

