Six days worth of quotes.

We learned about тоже/также in class. They are basically the same thing in English, but not really, and ... indescribable. I have no idea how to explain what they mean. Russians, having spoken Russian since birth, have an innate sense about the words and when to use which. Foreigners are unfortunately not gifted with this understanding.

MONDAY:

Professor: "Today, I'm going to teach you about тоже/также, although I don't know why I'm even trying [what a great way to begin a lesson]. You know, most Russians can't explain how to use them. Most Russian people don't really understand them -- they just use them, and usually get it right. So I don't know how you, the international students, will ever understand this. Ok, let's look at ..."

Her prediction was correct and absolutely no one in our class understood anything in the whole 2 hours she expounded about тоже/также.

[the Russian words for 'cheese' and son' sound exactly the same except for one letter's difference]

Professor: "Peter, where is the cheese?"

Peter: "On the couch!"

Professor: "What?!"

Peter: "My cheese is on the couch!"

Professor: "Peter, where is your son?"

Peter: "My son is in the refrigerator!"

[everyone tries to suppress spasms of laughter]

Eating dinner with a Russian family on Monday night:

Me: "We learned about тоже/также today in class. No one understood it."

Russian dad: "Why are they trying to teach you that? Even Russian people don't understand it."

Russian mom: "Hmm ... how would you explain тоже/также?"

Russian kids and dad: "Uhhhhh ..."

Russian mom: "An example?

[Dad says example using также]

Russian kid: "You could also use тожe there, dad."

[this goes on for a while]

Russian dad: "This is ridiculous. Stop talking and eat your salads."

TUESDAY:

Professor, complimenting Peter: "You write fast, like a cosmonaut!"

Professor asks if anyone has any questions. No one does.

She says: "Only dead people don't have questions!"

Student asks if she may go to the bathroom.

Professor: "I don't want to know where you're going! I don't want to think about THAT!"

[Russians are very awkward about bodily functions]

Then, she lectured us on the importance of oxygen for 15 minutes. We cover a lot of ground and several miscellaneous/unplanned topics per day.

WEDNESDAY:

Professor: "It's Pushkin! You CAN'T read it badly!"

Professor, talking about plastic surgery: "If I had enough money, I could get new eyes, new teeth, a whole new head!"

Eating dinner with a Russian family on Wednesday night:

[as I am being handed a butter-and-caviar sandwich]

"Do not be afraid of carbohydrates! Russians are not afraid!"

THURSDAY:

Professor: "Aristotle was a teacher, like me."

Professor, about lazy people: "Tigers and wolves eat and sleep. Some people are like this as well. They eat food but do not feed their brains."

I was going through the gate at my dorm, and there was a new babushka guarding the door. I've never been asked for ID before -- the guards seem to know us by our faces ... or are too lazy to ask. But she actually asked ... madness ensued ...

Babushka: "What floor do you live on?"

Me: "The seventh." [this is the international students' floor]

Babushka: "You can't live on the 7th floor. You're not Asian."

Me: "I'm the only American."

Babushka, suspiciously, like I'm trying to trick her: "... You don't look Asian ..."

Me: "Argh! I'm not Asian. I'm an American and I live here on the seventh floor."

Babushka: "... Do you live here?"

Me: "YES!!"

Babushka: "Why don't you have a Russian student ID?"

Me: "Because I'm not Russian!! I'm an American!!"

Babushka: "... Not Russian ... Not Asian ... What are you?"

FRIDAY:

Professor, to two Chinese girls whispering during her lecture: "If you're going to talk in class, at least do it in Russian."

Professor, to me after I wrote a sentence with 37 word sentence [we have competitions to see who can write the longest grammatically correct sentence]: "You are the champion of the world and belong in the Guinness Book of World Records!"

SATURDAY:

I started out watching 3 kids and ended up with 8 by 2 pm. A group of Royal Rangers were scheduled to meet at the house and then going to the zoo. One of the commanders showed up early, so we sat and talked while waiting for everyone else to arrive. I was telling him about the woes of тоже/также ...

Me: "We learned about тоже/также in class this week. No one understands it."

Sasha: "Yes ... I guess it's kind of confusing. But it's really easy, when you think about it ..."

Me: "Oh yeah?"

Sasha: "Of course." [he starts to 'explain' ... two minutes later ...]

Sasha: "I guess it is sort of hard." [keeps trying to explain ... five minutes later ...]

Sasha: "This is really complicated. I can't explain this. I don't know how it works. Don't worry about it, Russian people don't understand it either."

While we were talking in the living room, the kids were upstairs playing and being superbly (and suspiciously) quiet. Suddenly all eight of them came tumbling down the stairs, screaming and trampling each other. 

Sasha [eyes growing wide]: "How many kids are you keeping upstairs?"

And a few minutes later:

Sasha: "You're watching all of them?"

Me: "Yes."

Sasha: "Isn't it difficult to make them behave, since you don't know much Russian?"

Me: "Spanking is a universal language."

Fire.

Here's the link to the actual site, but the jist of it is this: Russians burn everything. Kids play with matches out in the street, anything remotely flammable will fall prey to them. Grilling shashlik out in the woods, drop your coals into a pile of dry leaves, drive away (I am a witness). This sort of thing, multiplied over a large population, results in ... well, look at the picture. Hint: the red dots are forest fires visible from a satellite ...

But first, proof. Here's the smog, moving in. Then, satellite coverage. Then, Deanna and I walking home from school, with approaching smog. An hour after this, we couldn't see the buildings across the street.

Easter ... not for another month here. So, I've got nothin'.

Finally, greetings from the girl who never blogs when she says she will.

Well, perhaps if I stop promising to update regularly, reverse-psychology style, then I'll actually begin writing and sending e-mails and communicating.

A lot has changed in a month: my roommates went back to China, they didn't want to study Russian any more; Beth & Aaron just left for a new assignment since their visa was set to expire this month; Cecil's off getting a new visa; hmm, what else. The weather has turned absolutely beautiful. I never imagined how exciting 20 degrees and sunshine could be. It smells like spring, and I've rediscovered the will to live (kidding). But I qualify myself as a sunshine-in-the-meadow-feet-in-the-creek sort of girl and the winter here was starting to feel a bit oppressive and my soul was beginning to feel rather bleak. When you weigh the options: sit in dorm room and eat canned tuna and tea for dinner or go grocery shopping ... and you decide to go with tuna because you don't feel like putting on three pairs of long underwear, pulling on boots, finding your hat, and then freezing all the way to the store and back ... then, I think, it is time for spring.

So, International Women's Day was today (March 8th). Ever heard of it? My professor claims the French celebrate it too. It's basically the day that all the Russian men, who have been coming home drunk and beating their wives for the other 364 days of the year, do a 180 degree turn in their spirits, spend a tremendous amount of money on flowers, candy, make-up, and other gifts, and make it all up to their women in 24 hours. Disclaimer: there are some really great Russian husbands who appreciate their wives year-round (many rounds of applause to them!) but from what I've seen, they sadly constitutes a very small portion of the population. Anyway, I am a fan of this day because it means we get a break (Friday and Monday) and there is an abundance of chocolate.

Also today was the First Premiere of the Garage Sale in the Russian Far East. Some missionaries here are preparing to leave the country and in an effort to get rid of stuff, covered their apartment in price tags and invited everyone in for a free for all. Since Russians don't really get the idea of the garage sale, it was a very quiet free for all, but a lot of fun. I realized how much I miss cruising by Goodwill with a sock full of change and finding buried treasures. I had a big moment (aka small step into adulthood) and that was my first personal purchase of matching cutlery and tableware. Granted, they are fluorescent yellow, plastic, and hideous but hey, I blew 20 rubles and got matching forks and knives too. I am now the proud owner of 4 plates with forks and knives to match -- pretty good for under a dollar. I can't wait to eat ... tuna ... off of them.

Actually, I've decided to swear off of eating Ramen/lapsha for the month of March. It's very entertaining to see the look on people's face when I tell them I'm abstaining from instant noodles in observation of the Lenten fast. Actually, this decision has nothing to do with Lent and everything to do with the fact that I've finally tried all the flavors (the bacon is AWFUL) and want to give my palate some time to recover.

At the garage sale, they also had a whole bunch of books, 10 rubles a piece. You all know I'm a sucker for a cheap book, so this was very exciting, especially because they were in English! I will be happily reading some old favorites (I bought Cheaper by the Dozen -- it's a classic, come on).

I've been going to a church that has a bunch of students, Russian and Chinese, and having some excellent times trying to get to know people. I notice that I am growing less frustrated with the language barrier; as my vocabulary increases, I find I can describe things, even if I don't know the exact word. This is also my first time being in church without a translator. I have one friend who speaks excellent English, but I don't let her translate for me. I do occasionally lean over and ask her for clarification =]

Lately, my skills have been increasing in a game called "spot the Mormon". I don't know if a big team of them just came to the city or if I just haven't noticed them before, but in the last few weeks, they seem to be everywhere! Beth, Aaron, and I were walking down the street a few weeks ago, and these two guys (immaculately dressed and not looking Russian at all) stopped and asked if we spoke in English ... but they asked in Russian, and they asked in the very politest way possible. I was so floored by being politely approached by a guy on the street that I didn't know what to say.

Well, that's a quick update on me ... I've posted a lot of pictures on my facebook account, but I know that a bunch of you don't do facebook. I have plans to have a photo-uploading party in about three months (an attempt to reverse-psychologize myself). By the way, I've finally figured out the hype about skype, so look me up and we can chat for six pennies a minute, or something like that.

Grace and peace to you!